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HOW TO DEAL WITH AN ABUSIVE SPOUSE (PHYSICAL OR VERBAL)?

Pinagbubuhatan ka ba ng kamay ng asawa mo?
Pinagsasalitaan ka ba niya ng masasakit na bagay?
Inaabuso ka ba niya physically or even verbally?

I just need to write this because I have witnessed many women who were abused
but live in silence and fear.

Sa mga mister
How should you deal with this kind of situation?

ACCEPT THAT THERE IS A PROBLEM
Unless tanggapin mo na nasa sitwasyon ka kung saan kailangan mo ng tulong, wala kang positive na pagbabago na makikita. Stop being in denial. Huwag mong pagtakpan kung ano ang ginagawang mali ng iyong mister or misis. Start accepting that you are in a problematic situation.

Ang pagtanggap sa iyong sitwasyon ay hindi madali kasi madalas ay mas gusto na lang natin na balewalain ang ating sitwasyon. Pero hanggat di mo gagawin ang first step, which is acceptance, ay hindi magi-improve ang relationship ninyong mag asawa.

Okay, na-accept mo na ang sitwasyon mo, na may problema. Now what?

ATTEND COUNSELLING
Admit you need help and then decide to get help. Ang physical or verbal abuse ay isang bagay na kailangan nating ihingi ng tulong. Oo nga’t mabuti na pinaguusapan ng mag asawa ang kanilang mga problema. Pero may mga problema na beyond ng kakayahan ng mag asawa to solve on their own. So go to someone who can give you counsel.

But be careful. Huwag kung kani-kanino manghingi ng payo. Hindi lahat ng willing magbigay ng advice ay right person to give you counsel. Tingnan kung meron ba siyang reputation to give counsel to married couples. May asawa ba siya? Okay ba ang kanyang married life? Or baka naman single pa lang siya? Or di naman kaya ay may tatlong asawa?

Ganito lang yan. Kung sumasakit ang ngipin mo, sa tubero ka ba pupunta? Kung bibili ka ng bahay, sa travel agency ka ba pupunta? Kung nagugutom ka, sa banko ka ba pupunta? Diba kung ano ang pangangailangan natin ay dun tayo sa eksperto sa bagay na yun tayo pupunta? So nararapat lang na pag dating sa ating buhay may asawa ay dun tayo sa makakapagbigay sa atin ng right counsel.

Pero paano kung hindi willing mag participate ang asawa mo?

GIVE AN ULTIMATUM
There will come a point that you will need to step up and voice out your concern. If hindi nakikinig sayo ang asawa mo, give him or her an ultimatum. Make sure na yung ultimatum na yun is not like an empty promise or else lalo ka lang niyang hindi seseryosohin.

Tell your spouse na ina-acknowledge mo ang inyong problema, that you accept your situation. And tell him or her that even if you accept it, you will not tolerate it. Sabihin mo na you are willing to take the step toward improving your relationship and say that you need his or her participation. Idagdag mo na if they don’t participate then you’ll be forced to do what you don’t want, like ang makipaghiwalay.

But please remember, ang pakikipaghiwalay ay hindi ang only answer to every married couple’s problems. Ang pakikipaghiwalay ay hindi ayon sa kalooban ng Diyos.

But if your life is at risk, if you think that your spouse will continue to be more abusive if you suggest things that will improve your marriage, then call someone who can help you get out of the situation. Fast.

Abuse in any form should not be tolerated. Communicate with your spouse. Attend counseling with him or her. Do everything in your power to improve your marriage. And if all else fails, don’t be afraid to seek help from the proper authorities.

THINK. REFLECT. APPLY.
Do you accept that you and your spouse have a problem with regards physical or verbal abuse?
Are you willing to attend counseling with your spouse to improve your marriage?
Is an ultimatum needed so that your spouse will take action?

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