BLAME GAME

Sa tuwing nagtatalo tayo ng asawa natin or ng partner
natin, we tend to see ourselves as victims and we
magnify our partner. S’ya lang ang may kasalanan.

Kaya nagkakaroon ng away at napupunta tayo sa
blame game na wala namang nananalo. Pareho
lang talo dahil nagkakasakitan at ‘di nag-uusap.

But we have to find solutions instead of being a part of
the problem. But I have to admit… mahirap yun.
It takes a lot of courage to be sorry and admit mistakes.

So here are some ways to stop the blame game.

STOP BEING AN ANGRY BIRD

Alam naman natin na negative feelings ang meron
kapag nag-aaway o nagkakatampuhan. But
never allow yourself to get too angry and then be sorry
at the end.

“Chinkee. Nakakainis na. Paulit-ulit na lang yung
ginagawa n’ya kahit sinabi ko na ayaw ko nun. Kainis!”

Okay, isa-isahin natin. Bago tayo umabot sa galit,
mayroon munang pinagmulan. Kaya doon tayo magfo-
focus instead na magalit agad tayo at mainis.

“Nasaktan ako nung…”
“Nakaka disappoint kasi…”
“Hindi ako natuwa dahil…”

Focus on the reason. Then COMMUNICATE instead
of argue. Express your true feelings and tell the reasons.
Hindi yung galit agad. Yun na yun, away na. Bahala na.

We should never do the..

CATCH AND THROW

It simply means that we should not catch the negative
feelings of our partner and throw it back dahil hindi solusyon ito.
Mas lalo lang lalala ang sitwasyon ‘pag nagkataon.

So kung galit ang partner natin, kumalma tayo. Let’s
show our care, our love, our sympathy to them. We help
them. Kaya nga partner, asawa ang tawag natin ‘di ba?

“I know nasaktan kita. Sorry. Ayusin natin.”
“Sorry kung na-disappoint kita. Babawi na ako.”
“Alam kong hindi mo gusto ang nangyari. Sorry.”

We say these and then again we COMMUNICATE instead
of making an argument. We listen to each other and
try to work things out at ‘wag na nating palalain pa.

Huwag itapon ang lahat ng ating nasimulan at binuo dahil lang
sa ‘di pagkakaunawaan. It takes a lot of effort from both parties
kaya pagtulungan ito.

And another thing is never play..

CHARADES

Hindi kayo nagsasalita at puro pakiramdaman na lang.
Then we expect that our partner will know the message.
Manghuhula na lang. Ilang words? 5 words? English ba?

‘Di ba ang hirap makipag-usap kung isang tao lang ang
nagsasalita at hindi naman nakikinig ang isa. At the end,
cold war na lang. Hindi na magkikibuan at bahala na lang.

“Lagi na lang ako ang umiintindi.”
“Bahala s’ya. Aalis na lang ako.”
“Nakakasawa na. ‘Di ko na kaya.”

Instead na ito ang ating mga iniisip, bakit hindi talaga
sabihin ang gusto natin? Pag-usapan talaga ang
ugat ng problema at kung paano ito mapagkakasunduan.

“Hindi ako masasaktan kung tatanungin mo rin ako bago ka magdesisyon.”
“Mas gusto ko sana na pakisamahan mo rin ang mga kaibigan ko.”
“Matutuwa sana ako kung nag-text ka man lang kung nasaan ka na.”

We have to be specific sa nararamdaman natin. We are
not being demanding but being honest. Say these in a calm
way. Then communicate. Listen to your partner as well.

“Walang nananalo sa pagtatalo at pag-aaway ng mag-asawa
kaya kailangan mag-usap at magtulungan kayong dalawa.”
–  Chinkee Tan, Filipino Motivational Speaker

THINK. REFLECT. APPLY. 

• Anu-ano ang mga hindi n’yo napagkakasunduan?
• Nasabi mo na ba ang totoong saloobin mo sa kanya?
• Pinapakita mo ba sa kanya na mahalaga s’ya sa iyo at inuunawa mo s’ya kapag nagkakatampuhan kayo?

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