As I am writing this blog, allow me to share with you the things that we live by as husband and wife, that helped us strengthen our married life for 15 years.
This may sound new to you, but feel free to treat the information like eating a piece of fish; you eat the meat, but spit out the bones.
NEVER LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMAN OR MAN IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE
Does it mean to say, that I should always close my eyes?
Admit it or not you will definitely see someone better looking than your existing partner.
Me; I get to travel a lot, locally and internationally.
When I travel, I get to travel alone. There are times that I would see a beautiful or attractive woman; it is ok for you to look, appreciate God’s creation, and beauty. Looking at the person once; is not the issue but it is the second look that kills. It opens Pandora’s Box for us to entertain some thoughts that may not be appropriate.
I personally instilled the internal discipline through God’s grace, and help not to look or entertain thoughts that are not pleasant and pleasing to God.
NEVER COMPARE YOUR PARTNER OR SPOUSE WITH OTHERS
It is so easy to fall into the trap. Comparing your spouse or partner with others is a big No, No.
“Why aren’t you like __________?”
“Why is he or she treating her spouse like that? When will you also do the same to me?”
“Why do they always get to travel and we don’t?”
One more thing you should avoid doing is to compare your spouse with your parents.
“Why aren’t you like my father or mother? This is how he or she treats my mom or dad”
Comparing your spouse with another person is one of the most insulting and demeaning thing to do. It’s not right and it’s not fair.
Not right, because you did not marry the other person, but you married your spouse.
Not fair, because God created us all differently and uniquely.
If you are not happy with your life now, you will never be happy with your life in the future.
Learn how to be thankful and grateful.
Let us learn on how to thank God for His provisions.
If things are not working according to your plan; pray and ask for God’s wisdom on how you can work things out. Let the Holy Spirit intervene and change the heart of your partner and the way you see them.
NEVER TALK ABOUT THE FLAWS AND WEAKNESS OF YOUR SPOUSE TO YOUR PARENTS OR SIBLINGS.
It was a blessing for me and my wife to be mentored by seasoned people who have walked their talked. One of the best advices that we received was not to talk about the weakness and imperfections of our spouse to our relatives.
“Ang labo talaga ng asawa ko, late na nga umuwi, hindi pa nagbibigay ng tamang sustento!”
“Ang gastos-gastos ng misis ko, ang hilig mag-shopping kahit wala pa sa budget!”
“Hindi na nga tumutulong, ang dami pang reklamo.”
If we continuously do this, the confidence and trust of your spouse towards you will be destroyed.
The outcomes of this can only be two things: sympathy or prejudgement to the person whom you caused pain.
Me and my wife made a rule; to talk about our personal and family issues among ourselves. If we can’t settle it among each other, we know where and who to go to.
We have a relational coach whom we can turn to ask for help. He gives us only objective perspectives.
NEVER PUT YOUR CHILDREN AHEAD OF YOUR SPOUSE
We must be reminded that God ordained man and woman to be together first.
We cannot build a house that is only child-centered; but a God-centered as well.
There are families that build their lives around their children.
Prepare the kids to school; send and pick them up at school; tutor them once they come home.
On the weekend; bring them to soccer or ballet class; bring them to church on Sunday; have a family day during Sunday.
If you noticed, children draw their security from the love of their parents.
If the parent’s relationship is strong and secure, chances are the family will be also strong and secure.
But if the relationship of the parents is weak or not secure; chances are the children will feel insecure, worst; they might experience a broken family.
God want us to take care of your spouse before anyone else.
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. PLEASE READ FULL VERSION Ephesians 5:22-33
I pray and hope these series of HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE has tremendously bless you and encouraged you to live a better and improved married life.
PS. I am planning to give a live seminar of HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE. May I know if you will be interested to attend? Please state your interest by putting your name.
Chinkee Tan is a famous motivational speaker in the Philippines. He is happily married to his beautiful wife, Nove Ann and living the life with his 3 amazing children. Not only is he a husband and a father but also a Filipino motivational speaker who specializes in topics such as personal development, dealing with relationships within family, friends, work and other people and financial management techniques to name a few. He continues to inspire thousands of people through his books, free business seminars in the Philippines and being a motivational corporate speaker to different organizations.
Did this article inspire you? Check out also other related articles here:
- Married Too Early? 3 Ways to Succeed Even in a Young Marriage
- How to Fight Clean in Your Marriage
- DEALING WITH UNSUPPORTIVE SPOUSE