“Have your spouse hurt your intentionally or unintentionally?”
“Have they made a promise they did not keep?”
“Have you experience a shouting match with your spouse?”
Allow me to start a new series about the POISONS OF MARRIAGE.
In my years of counselling and life coaching, there is one root cause to most of the unresolved conflicts I’ve encountered.
Care to ask? Maybe, your guess is as good as mine.
With pride; nobody wins in a battle; both parties will come out hurt and wounded. PRIDE will not make the RELATIONSHIP SURVIVE.
THE VOICE OF PRIDE
I had a personal experience; I was hurt by the one I loved most, and that is my loving wife. Iba yung sakit na mararamdaman kung nanggaling sa mahal mo sa buhay. Expected na siya kapag galing sa iba; pero kapag galing sa mahal mo sa buhay iba ang dating.
Di ba may bumubulong sa isipan mo, bakit ako magso-sorry?
“She started this! It’s her fault, not mine!”
“Siya ang may problema, siya ang dapat magbago!”
“Matagal na niya ginagawa ito sa akin.”
PRIDE BUILDS WALL
Since you do not want to be hurt again; it is normal for you to protect yourself.
Part of it is by buildings walls; the wall will separate you from the person who is causing your pain.
Shutting your door and locking yourself inside a room is a manifestation of your pride. Emotional stone walling is an indication that you refuse to communicate.
You do not speak with each other. You do not answer his/her calls; nor reply to his/her text messages.
PRIDE BREEDS RESENTMENT
The wounds of pain and hurt did not yet heal. Once the wound is left untreated; it will breed resentment in your mind and heart. The feeling of pain and injustice will be replayed over and over again The wounds will be infected; once infection is not cured it will now move on to the next stage.
PRIDE LEADS TO UNFORGIVENESS
If you are always thinking about your hurt and how unjustly you have been treated; your heart will harden.
Once your heart hardens, you will try blocking all kinds of feelings and emotions. Then your emotional heart will stop pumping, and will soon die.
Once it dies, it will lead to bitterness and unforgiveness. You have made a decision and a resolution not to forgive.
COST OF PRIDE
There is one direction you are heading which is unavoidable; that is if you’re too proud to apologize to your spouse, and if you choose to live in pride.
The costs of your pride are these; relationships will be destroyed, families broken apart, kids are devastated and scarred for the rest of their lives.
You know how pride will turn into 5 to 10 years away from now? It will turn to REGRET.
“Chinkee, I know I am making the right decision. Kung alam mo lang kung ano ang ginawa niya. Sobra na siya. Parati na akong lugi. Definitely, I will not live in regret!”
Come on; listen to yourself, it is PRIDE talking. “I will not live in regret. I have never seen anyone who made a decision when they are emotionally upset and live without the feeling of REGRET.”
Have you exhausted all possibilities? Have you really made an effort to talk; to communicate or to reconnect? Have you ask for outside intervention like people who care for you? Have you tried professional counselling to make your marriage work?
Never allow PRIDE to get into your way of loving each other. Rekindle the fire inside each other’s heart. Keep it burning and let it shine. Be an example to other married couples who are struggling with the same situation.
“Do not plant the seed of PRIDE.
Do not water and nurture it.
Once you feel PRIDE in your heart; UPROOT IT immediately!”
-Chinkee Tan, Filipino Motivational Speaker
So how can we remove PRIDE in a relationship?
Please catch my next blog for the answer.
Have a great and a blessed day ahead of you!
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